In a delightful twist of events, civic groups and ratepayers’ associations in eThekwini Metro have decided to embark on a rather unconventional adventure: they’re boycotting rate payments until the city caters to their basic service needs. It’s a bit like saying, “We’ll only pay for the popcorn if the movie’s worth watching!”

Leading this spirited charge is the Westville Ratepayers Association (WRA), who’ve decided that paying rates is so last season. Instead, they’ve been stashing their hard-earned cash in a secret bank account, like a squirrel hoarding nuts for the winter.

Now, the city, not one to be outdone, has responded with all the charm of a grumpy neighbour. They’ve dubbed this grassroots movement a “mob mentality” and declared it illegal, even though the WRA insists they’re following the letter of the law. It’s a game of legal cat and mouse, but with electricity bills.

Chairperson of the WRA, Asad Gaffar, has thrown down the gauntlet. He claims that the city can’t just pull the plug on residents for non-payment. No, no! You can’t have a tea party before kicking someone out of your house. If you’re going to disconnect someone, you’ve got to do it the right way, with a fancy prepaid meter and a notice served for intent to disconnect.

But wait, there’s more! Gaffar and his merry band of ratepayer rebels have done their homework. According to them, the city has lost a staggering R50 billion in recent years, including R7.5 billion in water losses and R8.5 billion in electricity losses. That’s enough to make anyone cry into their utility bill.

Their message is clear: they don’t want to punish the city; they want to prevent it from turning into a crumbling theme park. The city’s infrastructure is apparently on life support, businesses are closing faster than an all-you-can-eat buffet, and the city’s been talking about fixing things for a decade.

Now, the burning question is this: will you join the rates boycott? Are you ready to embrace your inner rebel and stash your funds in a secret account, all in the name of better services? Or will you stick to the tried-and-true path of paying your bills on time and hoping for the best? The choice is yours, dear citizen, but remember, in this comedy of errors, everyone’s a character.